Alora, la mia 'crossroads' a transformata a un croce - curcuvint, a confluence of valleys where weather rules, and passo monte croce in vicino, passage to austria
Im in the top right hand corner of Italy where 3 countries adjoin, including also Slovenia...and with all this possibility, how can i decide where to go?
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| Filling holes between stones in the cantina, with lime and straw |
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| Final coat with sand we dug from Torrente But, on cimento...oooo |
What i feel regarding my original 'mission, for this voyage, is disillusionment with self described intentional communities, whilst keeping them in mind, like i was drawn by didnt attend the
GEN conference in northern Germany. Cohabiting between mountains with a more elderly ( far fitter than me!) couple, who lead a focused, productive and communally efficient lifestyle, i find that other types of community are more suitable for me right now. I have autonomy, collective strategy and environmental urgency; an integrated work-life-day structure that pleases me in ways living in a fully mutual housing cooperative didn't. But it suits the current residents, so.
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| Cascata on the way to MontAsio |
Ive not found the dream natural building site to work on or teach at, even though ive spent hours on computers searching a place. Poor stuck-out-lip-me. Im learning to self accept and accept what happens, that i can wait; its an upgrade in attitude. Improving my scything, sharpening, doing my first haycut (fienoge) largely with wooden rakes and pitchforks- 14 hour days under a burning sun, in as little clothing as possible in a small rural village. The place morphed into an alien dimension for those precipitous weeks, whose inhabitants sprouted rakes for arms and tractors out of their bottoms, a peculiar brand of vehicle called 'Ape', dinky and 3 wheeled. Nervewracking, weather dependant. Demystifying dairy in production and cooking and eating - spots return, a memorable but repressed plague. Harvesting many soft fruits every morning before 7am including jostaberry and mulberry and a japanese raspberry.
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| A herb garden border i made at the house in Cadore |
Two animals have been sick to the point of dying since i arrived. The pig died after a week of not eating and was then unceremonially buried under the manure heap. Now the caprone - male goat billy goat - is ill and on his knees. I feel uncomfortable but unsure how to engage with the situation - are the hosts responsible entirely or should i intervene? Am i uncomfy thinking theres something more to be done to relieve pain and suffering, or just with the presence of death, in my modern day western society malaise way?
Itìs a time of acquisition - material goods, especially those i have needed for some time: waterproofs sandali etc, and tokens unexpected - toy lion, bracelet, face cream of sambughe and patate, a wooden ladle.
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| Revarnishing the exterior wood of the balcony, in harness... |
Luxurious accomodation not ecobuild, but the people and their work ethic are more important. Space to breathe and be fatigued and ill, with many machines and resources i can freely use, for sewing (im producing skirts, vests and fixing my poor ruined harem pants) , skype, washing machine, robust material and a pattern for making moccasins, a network of close friends who exchange with one another. learning italian unexpectedly quickly.
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| Our house... |
The idea of not choosing, of somehow unconsciously yet deliberately inundating myself with choice to the point of overwhelm, inaction - easier perhaps to maintain the status quo and blame the world out there for not offering me the right decision on a plate. i treat each decision like it will be irreversible and life-changing, paralysed by its importance. An utter FOMO.
Im proud of how my drawing practice has stabilised, ill try to upload the last 3 months worth of pink book A5 scribbles to the Flickr page, starting from when i entered the grounds of Bezalel art college, Jerusalem.
Many people try to 'destroy the ego', meditation is staunchly popular and accepted in the west as necessary and desirable for emptying the mind and centering oneself, and yet i berate myself for how little i have to say or decent thoughts in my head, how singular and immediate i can be. Numb often, operating mechanically as a golem or zombie. In more positive frames of mind this is treated with elation, as it enables me to experience the world joyfully and appreciatively, i am in that elusive moment. Weeding potatoes endlessly, clocked in and out by the church bells.
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| All dancing at Manuelas birthday festa, pizza oven behind |
Experiencing strong fear of the dark at night, fear someone or an animal will enter the room and hurt me, scared to look out the window or over my shoulder. Where is it from in my life?
Also a massively impacting- physically, nightmare with the overwhelming lasting impression i am wronging someone i care about, or those i care about generally.
Me piacce cuesta paese, tante. Mangiare insieme con li altri personi, la cibo obvio, pausa, vino y formaggio, la lingua, cuesta paysaggio gli montagni
Hitched an hour squished sideways into half a front seat of a Panda, with a bicycle and a young piedmontese soldier. The day previous having been picked up by an artist organiser of a small local arts festa en route 'home' from Cadore, and spending the night in a garage in this village speaking italian listening to sweet teenage cover bands and experimental psychedelic rock and singing teh hebrew shabbat dinner song in a cafe.
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| Sightseeing Trieste, with Silkes family |
What an exciting newness of extreme sportive activity and music - first doing a via ferrata on Col dei Bos by Passo Falzarego, 2 and 1/2 hours of climbing up sometimes sheer rock wall above thousands of feet of thin air, and then, driving lots up winding hairpin bends into clouds singing my lungs out to queen and rolling stones and van morrison and john lee hooker and miles davis, dancing as much as i can whilst sitting and restricted. but suzanne vega! oh my! how did i not know you? and tabla beat science, phwoar!
Now - content to plaster the cantina. Next week i cycle off, north. Thats all.
