My little support trio have departed...we were Uli, a German horse lady, and Ola, Polish, who worked in zoos and on city farms with animals before, she's a Demeter, they both are. I miss them, even though we only spent 3 weeks together. Now there is a new wwoofer with me, and friends of the owner, a German family.
Its also xmas. But i dont care.
This place is trying me, testing me, and i want to get to the bottom of it. Im uncomfortable - physically because i sleep in a van and essentially live outdoors, and now it rains and is COLD. Mist envelopes us here atop the mountain, entrancing me. Everythings wet. We didnt bring wood in, so fires are hard to start.
Im uncomfortable working with animals, when i never have before and i feel untrained and unsupervised. Im comfortable with the owner of this place, who is negative and expects so much and doesnt acknowledge my hard work or pay heed to my concerns. This is the crux of it - i know i have been in her position, i know i have acted like her. I want to know how i can help her feel more positive, less despairing and alone, because thats what i would have liked, before, at the housing coop in Ipswich.
Im uncomfortable making a decision to fly to a hotter, more conflicted, country, when the prime reason is to be with someone whose company i enjoy. It feels like betraying myself. I am invited to Granada for New Year by one of my closest friends, i spend ages online looking up buses - this also an outmoded inappropriate option for me. I thought i would cycle back up through Europe, camping alone, visiting projects slowly, taking in the land bit by bit, in ergonomic chunks. I am preoccupied by this indecision, the crisis of the FOMO (fear of missing out), too much possibility within my reach. And whilst im in the middle of nowhere, avoiding the decadence of consumer xmas, my brain is still full of this old, modern thinking, which i would never have had the chance for if i hadnt been born in england, now, 2013, soon to be 2014.
Ive discovered i am workshy, at the same time as having enthusiasm for manual labour and challenges.
Today i went up into the forest to clear deadwood. After an hour of making up songs about water in its different aspects, i was in abject dragging-heels-mode, straining my ears to hear the lunch horn, hoping for relief. Do i need a holiday from my holiday? Embarassingly, in the afternoon Dina showed me how to take the goat herd up onto the high campo, where you sit with them munching grass and acorns until sundown. But 5 minutes after she left me with them they galloped off, out through the gate and back down into their stable - whilst running after them the umbrella specially modified for goatherders broke - and then in pursuit of stragglers i got shocked by an electric fence! Haha, im the worst goatherder ever.
I searched for and snapped off canas for the rest of the day, weaving them into the stock fence to stop future escapes. By goats, who were probably smirking at me.
A few days ago i almost had my nose broken by a horse wheeling in the darkness. At solstice me and Ola finished plastering upstairs in the straw bale house. Its done by hand and the lime, much wetter than what i call a normal mix, splatters into your face. The sand and clay we use in and on the walls is dug from the site, everything is done by hand, you have to switch on a generator down below if you need to use a power tool; its pretty backbreaking.
On the upside, the sunrises are breathtaking and empowering, and the evenings spent talking by the Baldur (woodburner), learning to knit, as much chocolate spread as i want...singing out over the landscape, much banter, visits to the olive press to fetch oil whose ingredient we picked ourselves, day-trips top the city eating pastel de nata de cerejeira, sharing a van with someone i can stay up talking with... All very satisfying and fulfilling. Simple. I am learning, Jim, just not what id expected...
Monday 23 December 2013
Wednesday 4 December 2013
Contrast parallels
For years i didnt understand the allure of mountains, didnt visit countries with mountains. Didnt understand what made us humans in awe of them, instead of the plains or gentle rolling hills, the tame east coast british seascape.
It´s the contrast of sky and land, how incredible that the earth can fill up our view, rear up to hide the fundament. We are small, and we have no power. Theres something about a dynamic between, or synthesis of, sky and land brought into sharp relief, makes it more itneresting, breathtaking. The energy it takes us also, to travel across these mnountains. Especiallymeon my bicycle...
And now im cominginto my addiction to travelling, the actual movement and transportation of my being, and its similar: to be in one environment one day, and in the matter of a few hours to be thrown intoa completely different paradigm. The contrast makes it exciting, i have an overview of the differences. I can see more clearly how i prefer to be, whichway is my way. Contrast seems remarkable, yet upon more reflection similarity is more important, and theres alot of it! Maybe there is more worth in paying attention to how similar things can be, between countries, genders, people, systems, that theres an attitudinal shift to be had to resolve conflicts. Hmm. Fromconcrete to abstract, now back again.
I am living halfway up oneof the southern foothills of the SerraEstrella. On a farm called Sitio do Nagodinho, which untilrecently had just 2 residents, now they are joined by a ´Belgian equipe´ of three, and 4 of us WWOOFers. There are horses, goats and chickensto look after here, less horticulture than im used to, and several houses to hurry and finish. The one we helpers are focussing on is in a state of urgency, a straw bale self build which isnt plastered yet - and November is supposedly the rainy month of Portugal. Its 2 storeys, and on the edge of a terrace, which makes plastering a challenge! We´re using cal - lime - mixed with sand simply dug from the ground at the top of the hill, as well as cob, using clay dug from lower down the hill. The limeis half theprice here than in UK, but you only seem to find NHL 5.We use shovels tomix it, and our hands to apply it, obviously under several layers of gloves. A very primitive set up.
And actually the residents here arent experts on these methods, and i find myself knowing more about it than they do, consulting - this makes me uncomfortable! Why? Its a simple osmosis of information...yet, theres a responsibility attached to knowledge, and i hope to be told what to do,to learn from a teacher. A matter of expectations being too rigid or fragile, and an indicator i dont practice what i preach regarding learning being a 2-way process. See one do one teach one? Its a loop, learn and teach can be a single verb, apprendre, aprendar.
Talkingof teaching, i received an ´Approval´ email fromthe UK national agency, saying i was successful in getting a Grundtvig grant to go on a course in April. Its in Italy with the pioneers of the natural building scene, ´Natural Finishes for Facilitators´, so, using lime and cob etc,perfect for me. But the course provider isntsure theres enoughparticipants to go ahead yet. More waiting and nailbiting! If it goes ahead, this will be an opportunity for me to learn a trade. I can travel offering workshops, courses,expertise in this field, to the projects i want to flourish; and we´re back to teaching again. There´s a confidence deficit here to iron out,i think. Anyway, imexcited about it!
The group here operates in another way to those ive observed and been part of; lunch is cooked by one person, as in the sameperson everyday, and that meal is eaten together. But evening meals are cooked anytime; singly, of leftovers or whatever you want,in a normaldomestic size kitchen with gas. The washingup rota changes every3 days, so youre on duty for intense periods! This disappointsme. Not sayingthe cook isntgood- the lunches are lovely! I hadnt realised how attached i am to eatingtogether, and sampling different peoples styles, and...yes getting applause for creating a beautiful meal when all are sitting at table. Cooking individually always strikesme as a bit studenty...vying for the hob, its just inefficient,right?
Itsvery cold here! Groundfrost every morning, our clay pond freezes. Im sleepingin a converted van with a woodburner, so actually night-times arefine,like being in asauna. But themornings,oh - 3 pairs of gloves, 2 leggings...Trees turn their leaves to gold here, not just the evergreen oaks andpine of the Alentejo. I want the sunshine back,please! What about spending winter in a warmplace? This is a cherry region,and there are various cerejeira-flavoured sweet delights; bolo d´arroz and pastel de nata. The market in Fundao is more faux Italian designer clothes, than old hand tools.
Orion still rises in the east and sets in the west, but he and his fellows aremirrored by neon city lights across the valley below.
Another contrast; modern human civilisation vs being just another creature strugglingto survive in winter. Here i am not as closely connected to my finitude.
It´s the contrast of sky and land, how incredible that the earth can fill up our view, rear up to hide the fundament. We are small, and we have no power. Theres something about a dynamic between, or synthesis of, sky and land brought into sharp relief, makes it more itneresting, breathtaking. The energy it takes us also, to travel across these mnountains. Especiallymeon my bicycle...
And now im cominginto my addiction to travelling, the actual movement and transportation of my being, and its similar: to be in one environment one day, and in the matter of a few hours to be thrown intoa completely different paradigm. The contrast makes it exciting, i have an overview of the differences. I can see more clearly how i prefer to be, whichway is my way. Contrast seems remarkable, yet upon more reflection similarity is more important, and theres alot of it! Maybe there is more worth in paying attention to how similar things can be, between countries, genders, people, systems, that theres an attitudinal shift to be had to resolve conflicts. Hmm. Fromconcrete to abstract, now back again.
I am living halfway up oneof the southern foothills of the SerraEstrella. On a farm called Sitio do Nagodinho, which untilrecently had just 2 residents, now they are joined by a ´Belgian equipe´ of three, and 4 of us WWOOFers. There are horses, goats and chickensto look after here, less horticulture than im used to, and several houses to hurry and finish. The one we helpers are focussing on is in a state of urgency, a straw bale self build which isnt plastered yet - and November is supposedly the rainy month of Portugal. Its 2 storeys, and on the edge of a terrace, which makes plastering a challenge! We´re using cal - lime - mixed with sand simply dug from the ground at the top of the hill, as well as cob, using clay dug from lower down the hill. The limeis half theprice here than in UK, but you only seem to find NHL 5.We use shovels tomix it, and our hands to apply it, obviously under several layers of gloves. A very primitive set up.
And actually the residents here arent experts on these methods, and i find myself knowing more about it than they do, consulting - this makes me uncomfortable! Why? Its a simple osmosis of information...yet, theres a responsibility attached to knowledge, and i hope to be told what to do,to learn from a teacher. A matter of expectations being too rigid or fragile, and an indicator i dont practice what i preach regarding learning being a 2-way process. See one do one teach one? Its a loop, learn and teach can be a single verb, apprendre, aprendar.
Talkingof teaching, i received an ´Approval´ email fromthe UK national agency, saying i was successful in getting a Grundtvig grant to go on a course in April. Its in Italy with the pioneers of the natural building scene, ´Natural Finishes for Facilitators´, so, using lime and cob etc,perfect for me. But the course provider isntsure theres enoughparticipants to go ahead yet. More waiting and nailbiting! If it goes ahead, this will be an opportunity for me to learn a trade. I can travel offering workshops, courses,expertise in this field, to the projects i want to flourish; and we´re back to teaching again. There´s a confidence deficit here to iron out,i think. Anyway, imexcited about it!
The group here operates in another way to those ive observed and been part of; lunch is cooked by one person, as in the sameperson everyday, and that meal is eaten together. But evening meals are cooked anytime; singly, of leftovers or whatever you want,in a normaldomestic size kitchen with gas. The washingup rota changes every3 days, so youre on duty for intense periods! This disappointsme. Not sayingthe cook isntgood- the lunches are lovely! I hadnt realised how attached i am to eatingtogether, and sampling different peoples styles, and...yes getting applause for creating a beautiful meal when all are sitting at table. Cooking individually always strikesme as a bit studenty...vying for the hob, its just inefficient,right?
Itsvery cold here! Groundfrost every morning, our clay pond freezes. Im sleepingin a converted van with a woodburner, so actually night-times arefine,like being in asauna. But themornings,oh - 3 pairs of gloves, 2 leggings...Trees turn their leaves to gold here, not just the evergreen oaks andpine of the Alentejo. I want the sunshine back,please! What about spending winter in a warmplace? This is a cherry region,and there are various cerejeira-flavoured sweet delights; bolo d´arroz and pastel de nata. The market in Fundao is more faux Italian designer clothes, than old hand tools.
Orion still rises in the east and sets in the west, but he and his fellows aremirrored by neon city lights across the valley below.
Another contrast; modern human civilisation vs being just another creature strugglingto survive in winter. Here i am not as closely connected to my finitude.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)