I'm going abroad - I'm leaving the country - I'm moving - I'm going travelling...none of those phrases seem to apply to me. When will it sink in? My lift to Portugal departs Tuesday morning; 6 days.
I've given my notice at the housing co-op where I live. I'm packing those belongings deemed inappropriate to life on the road into boxes, again, when they've only really just come out of them. Last week I got melancholy, panicky, desperately tearful, to be leaving those i love behind, as well as the project I've spent 7 years of my life working on. So this week is for reconnecting with my excitement, belief in being loved and the potential for longevity that love promises.
My to-do list comprises:
-Sort out my bicycle
-Buy necessary gear: thermals, biolite stove, robust trousers, devices
-Transfer knowledge to whoever will receive it here at the co-op, or record
-Purge and store possessions, give back many to lenders
-Fulfill obligations to farm our CSA, plaster the walls, help provide a party
I've sat at this computer most nights, 'researching' my options. Writing applications to EU Grundtvig training grants. Backing up my entire hardrive to the Google cloud. Registering on every network available; WWOOF, Helpx, thePoosh; in order to travel on my limited budget, and to learn, to develop skills. To satisfy my vaunted work ethic. And now I'm fannying around trying to make this blog look pretty; it's all such a prevarication. Beating around the bush, pretending It's a game.
There's fear, disbelief, a reluctance to lose control. Overwhelm at how much i have to do; paralysis. Hurt, at my family, and my coop members - and also loss. Hair twiddling. The tentative euphoria of falling in love, in the knowledge that physical contact will soon be cut off. Hope. Surprise.
I want to live on my bike, be self-sufficient, have unlimited time to wander at my own human pace. To be a buzzing honeybee bringing energy to projects across Europe; building, singing, dancing, growing, swimming, being naked outdoors, learn a trade, laugh, meet new people and be inspired and motivated and open and brave. To join a community of nomads. To explore being alone. To visit protest sites, farms, building sites, homes, community education centres, unclaimed spaces. To honour my creativity. To be appreciated, especially by myself. To develop a new role.
Ugh what a cliche. ''I'm going away to find myself'' What a hippy.
With you in spirit. Inspiringly audacious. Grounded not rooted. Let's meet up some day somewhere in Europe. Ride on the right and watch out for potholes. Blog often.
ReplyDeleteSteve x
hey Steve, thanks! i feel good about it right now, am in high spirits after meeting fellow cooperators and actors for social change from israel and germany and exchanging experiences.
Deletei had a thoguht to contact you as i realised today i must have left my large bag of tempeh starters at home! will you please use them? or if you know of others who want to start tempeh, please pass it on. id actually like to try making ac ron tempeh with it as the nuts here are HUGE and of different, not-as-tanniny varieties of oak, so would it be possible to ask for a parcel to be sent here to portugal? thatsa bit of an ask, i dont mind if you say no i can ask a housemate! err..ex-housemate...
gem xxx
I read something by a woman in the states who lived in several places across the country, each selected because of the sweet acorn oaks growing there. The indigenous Americans used to make acorn bread, so perhaps you could try that too. Did you know that hibiscus (hibisco in Portugal) leaves have traditionally been used to start tempeh? Apparently they contain rhizopus oryzae spores, which iferments beans but I don't know if it works with acorns. Anyway I'll pop into the Camel house to see if we can get your starter out to you. S x
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