Preoccupation

Israel is a massive culture shock for me, coming from Europe, which i now see in comparison as liberal and almost limitless. More impactful than anywhere i've been so far, a challenge.
I'm staying in the street pictured, in the German Colony,when i'm in Jerusalem. It's the home of the friend who invited me to the country.
I've been introduced to a build site in the northern Jordan Valley,literally overlooking Jordan.A stunning landscape to wake up to and watch the sun set over. It's a small new Jewish settlement called Rotem, an ecological-intentional community of both religious and non religious. www.rotem-yahad.org
I'm working on finishing a spacious mudhouse for a family who want to move in within 3 months. They have already constructed several mud buildings on the site, and us volunteers use them to sleep and cook and relax in. We are right on the edge of the hill forming part of the West Bank.

This is the Other mudhouse up the road - i dont get to play with this one, shame!

I've seen herds of deer on the slopes below us, and gazelles. Birds accompany my mud plastering on ladder-top in the morning as they sing from the metal girders holding up the roof. Lights of the Arab villages on the valley floor opposite shimmer in the nightime, parallel to the bright starscape above. There are bees in the blue and magenta bushes of flowers, giant black millipedes, and zaatar grows all around. There is a plant on the hill called Rotem akin to the cayumba burnt for the chiscos of Spanish fiestas, and the perfume of their white flowers is strong in the wind. At the bottom i see spiky purple bushes, what are they? Do they fruit?

8 hours a day i rekindle a familiar pastime; wall staring. Camels will know what i mean. Its when you apply fresh plaster to a wall, or have to destroy bits of wall and prepare them for such activity, or then spend days retouching the plaster to get  it smooth and flat and level... Anyway im paying alot of attention to walls, trying to get them perfect, at least pleasing to the eye.

And this is very appropriate because i just found out that my course in Italy,in April, will be going ahead! The one entitled; Natural Finishes for Facilitators. It means i will be better equipped to teach people how to use lime and clay for their self builds. As part of receiving funding from the EU for my place, i promised to hold workshops across the lands,to disseminate the knowledge and inform a better practice among modern self builders. This is super exciting to me, ive been waiting all winter for confirmation, and it helps me imagine a potential livelihood and future path for myself.

Because coming to Israel hasnt turned out quite as id dreamed. Ive felt alternately,trapped, lost, extremely uncomfortable, unwanted, ashamed, bored, out of my element, foolish, overwhelmed...preoccupied. Id like to maintain an objectivity for this place, 'the Holy Land' which is so struggled over and sought after, riven. Except i believe what ive read on International solidarity websites and seen in documentaries about 'the Conflict'. I see the grey innocuous snake of the separation wall on the east side of mt. Scopus and the mt of Olives. I pass through checkpoints on the road. There are giant yellow metal gates not just at jewish settlement entrances but also villages on the west side of the green line, operated by soldiers in guard posts. The bus to Rotem is entirely patronised by teenage soldiers on their way to bases, all staring into smartphones with earphones in. Opposite the mudhouse i spend the days plastering, in the same frame as a childs swing and a garden thriving on greywater from the kitchen and solar shower, i see a tall wire fence partially surrounding the village.

I notice segregation, between Arab and Jew, between Orthodox and non Orthodox, between the nationalities Jews living here previously belonged to, between men and women in the synagogue.

In response, i yearn to hear different points of view, see behind and beyond the walls, to go where i am told it is dangerous.  Where are the projects that unite, and illustrate our similarities? That prevent, witness, or ameliorate the effects of atrocities?

And as usual,these more worthy streams of thought lie beneath my main preoccupation; that of my own personal relationships. Who loves me?  Why is my love so often unrequited these days? Am i truly loving.